The Art of Surrender

One aspect of the healing process that no one truly wants to face but is often the key to freedom is the release of the illusion of control.

Do you think you are controlling?

Many would say no. But control can have many faces. And all too often, if you are feeling controlled by another, it is often a mirror into your own controlling behaviours that you haven’t yet integrated.

We tend to think that control is loud, direct, aggressive and rude.

But control can be passive.

It can be every time you bite your tongue.

Every time you let things slide but hold it.

Every time you are critical of yourself and others.

Every time you choose not to have a difficult conversation.

Every time you try to carry the load for others.

Every time you overgive.

Every time you say yes when you mean no.

Every time you smile but you are being squeezed on the inside.

It can be silent but felt.

Contemplate the following questions:

Do you find you try to control every feeling you have?

Do you try to control outcomes by keeping 4 steps ahead?

Do you try to control the illusion of the ‘perfect life’?

Do you try to control every thought and action?

Do you try to control conversation?

Do you try to control your own voice in fear that if you voice your concerns, desires, or needs, they will not be met?

Fear is what drives control.

What is it that you are scared or fearful of?

Is it the fear that if things are not kept a certain way, it will fall apart?

Is it the fear that if you let go, you will lose, you will be abandoned, you will be unheard, unseen, or disrespected?

Is it the fear of not being enough, not being worthy?

The act of clinging tightly only makes one rigid, depleted and uptight, which can easily bring overwhelm, frustration and anger.

The reality is that you can only bite your tongue so many times until you bite right through it.

In the body, control can feel like a tight jawline, tight shoulders, headaches, anxiety, a constant pull in the solar plexus with a racing heart, TMJ Syndrome, lymphatic issues, ailments with the hips, running thoughts, and breathing issues.

All of these symptoms sound a lot like the fight/flight response, don’t they?

To help move past control, you have to feel safe in your body, in your own skin. This can take time as you have to move through and understand the layers as to why the protective walls have gone up in the first place. This takes time and commitment.

When you feel safe in the body for the first time, it can feel strange to begin with. If you're a person who has been running on fight/flight for years or even most of your life, you might doubt this deep feeling of support to begin with. You might not fully trust what you are feeling. At this critical tipping point, you have to truly face the fear and loosen the grip so you can let go. Be honest with yourself and others. Trust and surrender to the unknown.

Surrender doesn’t mean that you allow anything and everything to happen to you and suppress or bypass your emotions or difficult situations. It is far from it. It is a conscious decision to accept and experience all of your emotions without judgment. Without fear. To allow the internal fight to soften so you can find acceptance and peace, which, when truly felt, is a deep trust that no matter what happens, everything is for your highest good.

To start to embrace letting go, you can try some of the suggestions below:

1. In your own time and space, put on music, close your eyes and let your body lead you in movement. Take your mind out of how you should be moving and let yourself feel the music.

2. Do the inner work. Embrace finding yourself through therapies that align with you. This can be things like Reiki and Energy Healing, Root-Cause Therapy, Yoga, Counselling, Psychology, Somatic work, Myofascial Release, TRE. There are many paths you can move down. Whatever you pick, all it requires is your commitment to self, your truth and honesty.

3. Kundalini Yoga & Meditation: The yoga of awareness. Through this practice, you close out open stress cycles. You regulate your nervous system, build resilience, and you clear your energy field, all of which opens you to your heart space where there is opportunity to transmute your pains, hurts and limitations into love.

4. Journal: What am I afraid will happen if I let go? What would letting go feel like?

5. Lie flat in a relaxed state and begin to become aware of the sensations in the body. Notice where you are holding. Where there is tension. Notice any sensation and mentally vibrate, ‘I let go’. Notice this area soften. Once the sensation has been released, move on to the next area for release.

6. Have a piece of cloth or a tissue on hand, and with your favourite essential oil, add a few drops to the cloth/tissue. Throughout your day, if you notice you are becoming stressed or overwhelmed, smell the cloth/tissue.

Using our sense of smell is great in drawing us back to the present.

Remember, the art of surrender is easier said than done. But with complete acceptance of what is, plus trust and deep faith that even without your input, life will flow just as it is meant to, you can experience the unshackling you long for.

With practice, you can start to embrace your strengths and weaknesses and accept that life is a rainbow of colours that are all leading you to your unique pot of gold.

With much love,

Carly